《老友记》 第一季 第一集
（中央咖啡厅）
没什么好说的！他只不过是我的同事
There's nothing to tell. It's just some guy I work with. 少来了，和你交往的男人…
Come on. You're going out with a guy. 多多少少一定有点问题！
There's gotta be something wrong with him. 他既驼背又戴假发？
So does he have a hump and a hair piece? 等一下，他是不是会吃粉笔？ Wait. Does he eat chalk?
我只是不希望你 重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙
I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl. Oh. 各位放轻松，这不算约会
Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. 不过是两个人一起出去吃晚餐 而且不上床
It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex. 对我来说这就是约会
Sounds like a date to me.
做了个梦，在中学时代 我站在餐厅中央…
I'm back in high school, in the middle of the cafeteria... 突然发现自己全身赤裸
...and I realize I'm totally naked. 对，没错 我做过那样的梦
Oh, yeah. I've had that dream. 我低头一看，看见有一个电话…
Then I look down and I realize there is a phone... 在那里 ...there.
而不是… 没错
Instead of... That's right! 我没做过那样的梦 没有
That one, I've never had. No. 突然，那个电话响了
All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. 结果是我妈妈打来的
And it turns out it's my mother.
这非常奇怪 因为她从来都不会打电话给我！
Which is very, very weird because she never calls me. 嗨 Hi.
这家伙说〝嗨〞的时候 我却想杀了我自己
This guy says \ 你还好吧，亲爱的？
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Are you okay, sweetie?
我就感觉好像某人伸手进我的喉咙 抓住我的小肠，从我的嘴里拉出来
I feel like someone grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth... 再在我的脖子上打结… 要吃饼干吗？
...and tied it around my neck. Cookie? 卡萝今天搬走了她的东西
Carol moved her stuff out today. 哦 Oh.
我给你拿杯咖啡 谢谢
Let me get you some coffee. Thanks. 呃
Ew. Unh.
不，不要！ 不要清理我的光环！
No. No, don't! Stop cleansing my aura. 不要管我的光环，好吗？
Just leave my aura alone, okay? 我会没事的，好吗？真的 我希望她开心
I'll be fine. All right? Really. I hope she'll be very happy. 不，你并不希望 是的，我不希望！ No, you don't. No, I don't. 叫她去死，是她离开了我！
To hell with her. She left me! 你从来都不知道她是女同性恋
And you never knew she was a lesbian. 不知道！行了吧！ No! Okay?
为什么每个人老是要提出来？
Why does everyone keep fixating on that? 她都不知道，我又怎么会知道？
She didn't know. How should I know? 有时候我希望我是女同性恋…
Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. 我讲得很大声吗？
Did I say that out loud?
没事的，罗斯 你现在感到很痛苦
All right, Ross. Look, you're feeling a lot of pain right now. 你很生气，很伤心
You're angry. You're hurting. 我能告诉你解决方法是什么吗？
Can I tell you what the answer is? 脱衣舞厅！ Strip joints!
别这样，你单身了！有需求的！
Come on, you're single. Have some hormones.
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我不想单身，好吗？
See, but I don't want to be single, okay? 我只想…再次结婚！
I just wanna be married again. 而我只想要一百万美金！
And I just want a million dollars! 瑞秋！ Rachel?
噢，老天爷，摩妮卡 感谢上帝！ Oh, God, Monica! Hi! Thank God!
我刚到你那里去，而你不在 那个拿着大锤子的家伙说
I went to your building and this guy with a hammer said... 你可能在这里 你真在这里！
...that you might be here, and you are. 你想喝点咖啡吗？ 无咖啡因的
Can I get you some coffee? Decaf.
好了，各位，这位是瑞秋 另一个林肯高中的幸存者
Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. 这就是各位 这是钱德、菲比
This is everybody. This is Chandler and Phoebe... 乔伊，还有 你还记得我哥哥罗斯吗？
...and Joey. And remember my brother, Ross? 当然，嘿！ 嘿 Sure! Hey. 嗨 天啊
Hi. Oh, God.
那你现在可以告诉我们了吗 还是说我们在等着四位湿漉的伴娘?
So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids? 好吧，大概在婚礼前半个小时
Oh, God! Well, it started about a half-hour before the wedding. 我在礼物间里
I was in this room with all the presents... 看着那个肉汁壶
...and I was looking at this gravy boat. 那是个非常好看的肉汁壶
This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat. 然后，突然… 有代糖吗？
When all of a sudden... Sweet 'N Low? 我发现…
I realized...
我对这个肉汁壶 比对巴瑞更有冲动！
...I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry. 然后我吓呆了 然后这个想法突然出现在脑中：
Then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: 巴瑞看起来多像洋芋头先生啊
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How much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. 我总是觉得他眼熟，但是…
You know, I mean, I always knew he looked familiar, but... 总之 我必须离开那里，我在想：
Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering: 〝我为什么这样做，我为谁这样做？〞
\ 我不知道该去哪里 而且我知道我和你有点疏远了
Anyway, I just didn't know where to go, and I know you and I have drifted apart... 但你是我这个城市里唯一认识的人
...but you're the only person I know in the city. 而且没有受邀参加你的婚礼
Who wasn't invited to the wedding. 噢，我希望你不会把它当一回事…
Oh, I was kind of hoping that wouldn't be an issue. 我猜他给她买了个管风琴
I'm guessing he bought her the big pipe organ... 而她很不喜欢那个
...and she's really not happy about it. 老爸，我就是无法和他结婚
Daddy, I just... I can't marry him. 对不起
I'm sorry. 我只是不爱他了
I just don't love him. 这对我很有关系！
Well, it matters to me. 她真不应该穿那条裤子
She should not be wearing those pants. 我觉得应该把她推下楼
I say push her down the stairs. 把她推下楼…
Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! 爸爸，听我说！
Come on, Daddy, listen to me!
这就好像在我一生中 所有人都告诉我：〝你是鞋子！〞
It's like all of my life, everyone's always told me, \ 〝你是鞋子…〞
You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!\
然后今天，我停下来对自己说： 〝如果我不想成为鞋子呢？
Then today I stopped and said, \ 如果我想成为一个包包？
What if I wanna be a purse? You know? 或一顶帽子？〞 Or a hat?\
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